If I had to choose; Today would be different. I’d look more presentable. I could give you more context if the date was exact, but its not. This is me most days. Days that end in “Y.” Those same sayings that give you the giggles give me a physical response no one could ever live down. Not all disabilities are acceptable; let alone visible to the ableist eye. #actuallyautistic

If I had to choose; I would have walked all the way to the moon. Anything to do with outdoors really. I mean I don’t like to hike. I would give up listening to my favorite song if it meant never being reminded of the saddest day because those feelings still remain. A day you could hit with just one dart on a year calendar the size of its own Island. Instead I’m stuck giving the sun a run for the stars. Walking a million beaches to reach the version of you, you showed me once. #expeoplepleaser

If I had to choose; I could have given more time to enjoying myself. Taken time away from learning about life through books and actually feel the itchy sand in my toes, smelled the horrible bonfire plus body odor and ignored the creepy glances from pimple-faced boys. Instead I just sat in the distance, watching them have what they called fun. Content this would be all I needed to act like I’ve done “it” before. Instead of just watching a few more “pretty views,” alone. #introvert

If I had to choose; I would have broken the rules. Taken more than I gave. Felt the rush of breaking the rules even though my hair sheds like a cheap wool sweater, my voice can be picked out of a line up, I’m too tall to hide behind anything shorter than 6 foot and I don’t know how to lie. Cops wet dream if you ask me; if you ignore the fact that I know their handbook better than they do and I don’t skip a chance to tell them. #acab

If I had to choose; I’d run in the rain. Deal with the consequences that life doesn’t always hand the poor kid what he needs to survive. That life is hard even when you give buckets of blood, sweat and tears. That movies are distractions sugar coated to what life is really like for 80 percent of the people you know; not to mention the 80 percent of people they know. Giving with gratitude will keep you feed in a homeless camp. You know, Get dirty for no reason. #hustletillyoudont

If I had to choose; I would have given more people the space to love me back. I’ve learned my lesson and no longer crave empty conversation. These are the reasons I choose how my day unfolds. Why I don’t ignore the ones who look, dress, act, feel, smile, or dissociate. It is the Wallflower’s time to shine. Build a community of others who crave variety & comfort as a value not just empty connections filled with material things. Respect all of our attempts, no matter how many times you had to redo it.

That’s why I don’t expect what society is today will ever change; I will gladly take my exit here ’cause I know these boundaries will stand as long as I have to wear a mask to check the mail.

written by Just Rant Already