93210 (January 27, 2023)

Where was I …

This chapter brings me to 18, sweet 2001. Well okay, maybe not quite 2001. 1999, Mr. Lee, you took the life I thought I wanted for me in the best and worst way possible. Gave me nothing but heartache with a smile on your face. Most original to date, never once held back on the truth serum; gave me something in life no one else would.

There’s many of souls who’d like to take the credit for my demise. Hateful words or emotional outburst. A “pick me up” seemed the answer for many. Only a female named Crystal could say that, no matter how you spell it. That was the blur of 2000 summed up in a shitty bun.

2001 was the year I found true love — baby boy born January 2002, BMW. Then comes the back and forth of hometown and home. College bound, job placement and a full round of motherhood. Burnout quiet simply over the next hump. Classes took my mind to a familiar place; education always an escape.

Day job in between the hustle and bustle. Gave me funds to be the adult I was told I’d never be able to be. One final day I’d make a horrible choice to fit in. Crystal meth was her name and she stole my soul with one breath. 2003 a blur of drug induced nights to make it through a tunnel I’d thought connected me to others.

Before I chose to turn my own world upside down – I can still hear the music in the background – I’d like to say it was fun until it wasn’t. Late night bbq’s, front step hangouts and so many great stories. House to house we’d bring the party with us. Trauma bonded from our roots and not many of us still thriving. How those days seemed so simple when I think about them now.

I’d give a million dollars to see most of you breathing again. Bring back the light you carried. Fattie’s runs and campus vanilla Pepsi’s. Long drives in circles singing at the top of our lungs. Giving no more fucks than we’re given.

2004 brought me to 96039. The next chapter in this complex equation.

written by Just Rant Already

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